Game Statistics
by Charxelle
Summary: How an HM fanfic would probably sound like when the game's rules applied.Claiff
1. Chapter 1

**This is a twoshot. I was bored so forgive me if it kinda sucks.**

**I imagined how HM fanfics would be like if the game's rules actually applied to them. Well, here ya go.**

**This is about Claire and Cliff.**

**Game Statistics**

Claire had just bought a brand new blue feather from the supermarket. It had no casing to protect it, much to her disappointment. She tenderly held it in her hand, admiring its beauty.

"Are you sure this has no casing?" she questioned Jeff. "It might get crumpled in my rucksack with all my tools inside."

"It'll be fine." Jeff reassured. "If you're that worried, why don't you just hold it in your hand?" he sat behind his counter with his usual youthful smile. Besides, everyone in Mineral Town looked youthful and completely contrast their age. Claire, who is clearly old enough to marry, looked like a mere 12 years old. She always wondered why.

"I can't just hold it in my hand!" Claire said too fast. "He might see it!!" she blushed. Claire thought about it for a while. The feather can't be boxed or left in her hand.

"Fine…"she sighed. "Might as well crush it between my tools." Claire removed her rucksack from her back and opened it.

"It'll be as good as new when you fish it out, I promise." Jeff said.

"Okay, if you say so." Claire shrugged on her rucksack, thanked Jeff and headed for the supermarket exit. Or rather was it just market? It's kinda too small to be called 'super'. Oh well…

As Claire made her way to her farm, she happened to pass by _him: _Cliff. Walking from the Aja Winery to the church. She somehow expected him to say hi to his fiancée but he just brushed by her, walking smack in the middle of the street. Meh…that was normal anyway. Didn't bother her.

When the farm came in sight, Claire dashed to it, wanting to see if her precious feather has already been crushed. She raced to her house, carefully and s l o w l y set her rucksack down on her bed and ripped open the zipper. She dug through her bag and pulled out her perfect, clean, unharmed feather.

Claire was astonished. She turned the feather around and inspected it. Not a single spot. Claire was in disbelief. She put the feather back in with her tools and shook the rucksack vigorously.

When she took it out, the feather was still in top shape. Its cobalt shine was still perfect.

"Must be indestructible," Claire thought. Knowing it wouldn't be harmed whatever she did, she threw the feather back in and plopped the rucksack on her back.

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"Curry powder, rice balls…what else do I need?" Claire was in the kitchen, attempting to make Curry Rice for the third time. She eyed the cookbook which only showed food that she had already made. How inconvenient, she thought.

"Salt…a bit of pepper…maybe a few mushrooms…how 'bout some eggs,milk and miso?" Claire was trying to improvise. She popped the ingredients in the pot without chopping the mushrooms. It would turn out alright anyway. How convenient, Claire thought.

She heard the 'ding' and turned off the stove. When Claire opened the lid, instead of the curry goodness inside, she found a burnt lump of blackness.

"This can't be curry…" she threw the black lump of burnt-ness in the trash and started over. This time without the milk and the miso. It turned out okay.

Knowing it wouldn't get squashed, she threw the plate of curry rice in her rucksack and ran to the church, hoping to meet Cliff there just in time.

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Claire hurriedly opened the doors to the church. Everyone was welcome anywhere, as long as it was open.

As usual, Cliff was in the front pew, sitting by himself. Carter was behind the podium, as always.

"Hi Carter!" Claire cheerily said. Carter nodded her way.

"Hey, there, Cliff!" Claire greeted her fiancée.

"Hello, Claire." He smiled. He was glad Claire was here.

"I brought you lunch!" Claire reached backwards and managed to open her rucksack. Cliff eyed the rucksack, wondering how Claire could fit all her needed tools and some other stuff in there without them getting all mixed up and messy.

She presented Cliff with a hot steamy plate of curry rice. "Here you go!"

Cliff took the plate. "Thank you, Claire." He smiled.

"You're very welcome!" Claire grinned back then closed her rucksack, again reaching backwards. When Claire looked at Cliff again, the plate was gone and he was staring into blank space with a distant smile.

Claire snapped her fingers, remembering something. She turned her back against Cliff, reached for her rucksack and pulled out the perfect blue feather. She twirled it about in her hands.

"Oh, why does the girl have to be the one to propose?" she silently wondered. She took a deep breath and spun around to face Cliff, with the feather behind her back.

"Um, er…Cliff?" Claire flushed as she sat down beside her beloved on the pew.

"Yes?" Cliff replied; his eyes brown and his smile soft. Claire inaudibly gulped and took out the feather from behind her back.

Cliff's eyes became wide and he gasped. "C'mon! To your house! QUICK!" he grabbed Claire's wrist and flew out the doors.

Carter stood there, astonished at the rush. It simply wasn't like Cliff at all.

Cliff wordlessly dragged Claire all the way to her farm.

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In Claire's house, she and Cliff panted and caught up with their breaths.

"It's much safer in here…" Cliff gasped. Claire just nodded. She gave Cliff the blue feather.

"Of course, I'll be happy to marry you!" Cliff smiled. Claire flushed, unable to say anything.

"Well…" Cliff scratched the back of his head. "I have to be getting to the inn. See you." He exited the door.

"That was…brief…" Claire said. The engagement had indeed been brief. No more than a minute in real time. But she was satisfied. She would be married to her one and only in a few days. A week to be exact.


	2. Chapter 2

**If you've made it this far, that means you actually like the story!**

**Game Statistics 2**

Throughout the week, Claire visited Cliff everyday. Whenever he saw her, he usually had an uneasy, slightly surprised face.

"In a f-few days…you'll be in a white g-gown…and beautiful…" he would stammer and Claire would blush.

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On the night before the wedding…

Claire was pacing the house, getting the jitters. Her dog mindlessly watched her.

"Oh, I'm so nervous!! Tomorrow's the wedding day and…and…I'm nervous! I thought this day would come but I never thought that…ARGH!!" she stomped her feet.

"Maybe I'll be able to calm down after a glass of milk…" Claire said. She took a bottle from the fridge and downed it in a gulp.

"Ahh…" Claire waited. "I'M STILL NERVOUS!" she screamed.

"Maybe…I can talk to Cliff??" the idea enlightened her and she glanced at the clock.

"Dang…it's already nine…the inn's closed!" she pouted. "I'll just go to bed then."

Claire plopped herself down on the bed and tried to get to sleep, imagining the white dress she will be in.

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When she woke up, everything happened so fast, Claire couldn't figure out what was going on. The next thing she knew, Carter was saying "You may kiss your bride."

Cliff took Claire's white-gloved hands and held it firmly in his.

"We'll be together forever…" Cliff promised with truth in his eyes. Claire speechlessly smiled nodded.

Cliff leaned in for the wedding kiss then they broke apart, as the new couple walked down the aisle to the exit, side by side, with the witnesses following them.

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"So, now that we're married…I should call you something special right?" Cliff said, holding Claire's hands in his.

"Um…sure,"Claire agreed as she shifted through some names in her mind.

"So, what should I call you then?"

Clarie hesitated. There were a lot of names to choose from…Honey, Fruitcake, Dear…maybe my name? Nah…

"I-it's would be okay…I mean, would it be ok…if you called me Dear?" Claire said.

Cliff tilted his head to one side. "That would be nice, Dear." He smiled, blushing slightly.

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During the recent months of their marriage, things went great. Claire loved Cliff and he loved her. They were almost inseparable, with Cliff saying sorry whenever he went out for work.

After a hard day's work on the farm, Claire would plop down on her bed and Cliff would massage her tired feet.

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2 months after marriage…

"Ungh…" Claire groaned, clutching her stomach. It was 6am.

"Dear, you don't look so good." Cliff put a hand on her shoulder.

"I…I'm fine…I think it's just a cramp…" she held her stomach tighter and let out another groan of pain.

"I think you're working too hard," Cliff commented. "We should get you to Doctor."

"No, it's okay!" Claire protested. "I-it'll go away in a while."

Cliff was mighty concerned. "We should really get you to Doctor. C'mon, I'll carry you." And with that, Claire was swept up in Cliff's arms and he walked to the clinic.

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"Well, it seems that…Claire is pregnant."

"**WHAT!?" **the couple said in unison.

"Congratulations!" Elli said, clapping her hands.

Claire slowly turned her head at her husband and gave him an evil glare.

"B-but…I never…I didn't…with Claire…ah…" Cliff stammered. He was sure he never…planned for a child with Claire.

"Well, the deal is that Claire's pregnant." Doctor said to stop the awkwardness. "Claire should rest and not involve herself in any farm work."

"NO!" Claire suddenly shouted. "I can't leave my farm work! All my animals will die if I don't!"

"I'm sure that if you ask the Harvest Sprites, they'll help you." Elli reassured Claire and patted her shoulder.

"But that won't work!" she said. "They have to have at least three hearts!! Right now they have none!"

"0.0 The Harvest Sprites can live with no hearts? And…they can have three hearts?" Doctor scratched his head and stared at Claire.

"No, they can have a maximum of ten."

"Oh…"

"W-well…we better get going now." Cliff conluded. "Claire needs to rest, right dear?"

Claire eyed him suspiciously.

"You two take care now!" Elli cheerfully added and waved goodbye as the couple went out the door.

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"Gah! Is it gonna take any longer!?" Cliff complained in the kitchen. Doctor and Elli were helping Claire give birth. He was asked to wait in the kitchen but he could STILL hear Claire's cries of agony.

"AAAH!!" Claire screamed in pain.

"Just a little more, Claire!" Elli comforted. "You're doing great!"

"Ok, one, two, three…PUSH!" Doctor commanded.

"_**AAAAAAH!!"**_

"Argh…" Cliff groaned. He couldn't stand it any longer.

"Waaaahhh!!"

'Congratualtions, Claire!!" Elli congratulated

Cliff spun around. "Is it over?"

"Yes, it is." Doctor replied. "Here's you new baby girl." He had the baby in his arms and handed her over to Cliff.

Cliff stroked the crying baby's cheek. "There's no blood?" he wondered.

He immediately looked at his wife on the bed. She looked exhausted. Claire was sweating and had passed out.

"There's even no blood on the bed…how queer…" Cliff said to himself.

**Okay, the story kinda stops here, hehe. I couldn't think of any more ideas.**

**If you give me more ideas, i just might make the next chapter! **

**REVIEEEEWWWWWWWWW**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, here's the third chapter.**

**I'm not really confident with this one, so be nice, please? :)**

**This'll probably be the last chapter until i come up with something better.**

**Game Statistics 3**

It was 7:00am in the Dawn Plain Farm. Cliff was pacing the rug and Claire cooked breakfast. Flora the baby was safe on the big bed.

"How the heck did that happen?" Cliff raised his hands in frustration. "I-I-I KNOW I didn't…I…you sleep on the OTHER side of the bed!"

Claire merely glared at his rug-pacing.

"Stop acting dumb. Who else could've done it?" she growled.

"B-but!! You should've _felt_ it!" Cliff protested.

"You didn't even let me enjoy the last minutes of my vir-"

"**I'M INNOCENT!!"**

"_**DO NOT INTERRUPT ME!**_ Liars go to hell!"

"**I'm. Not. LYING. **Please believe me!**"**

"HOW CAN I BELIEVE YOU IF I MYSELF CAN'T BELIEVE-"

"**WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"**

Both were silenced by Flora's wail.

"She's crying." Cliff suddenly softened and walked over to the bed to try to shush her.

"Psh…she's in another one of her mood swings." Claire contradicted. Then she sniffed the air.

"Is something burning?"

"Your eggs?" Cliff tried to reach over the bed to his baby but couldn't.

"OH MY GOSH!!" Claire screamed as she ran to the kitchen to flip her omelette, only it wasn't an omelette anymore. It had been reduced to a plate of black crumbs. Claire chucked it down the trash can.

"Thanks to you," Claire set her hands on her hips. "There's no breakfast today. We're just going to have milk."

"What?! It's not my fault!" Cliff gave up on reaching for the baby. Flora had quieted down already anyway.

"Well, if it really isn't you…" Claire gave it thought a while. Then she gasped audibly.

"What?" Cliff approached her.

"What if… I was…raped?" Claire shuddered at the thought.

"Nonsense."

"**SO IT WAS YOU!!"**

"NO!"

slap

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Two months had gone by. Claire decided to think that Cliff had done her when she was asleep and Cliff decided to give up on persuading Claire that he didn't do it. In other words, Claire had won.

One night…Winter 18…

"Claire…Claire dear…" Cliff shook her shoulder.

"Mmph…what?" Claire forced her eyes to open. Cliff was on her bedside, waking her up.

"It's Flora…"

"What? What about Flora?"

"She fell off the bed. We have to get her to Doctor."

"Waaaaahhhh!!"

"When did she fall off?" Claire was standing now; her face anxious.

"I heard her cry. Get dressed, let's go!"

Cliff dragged her and Flora to the Mineral Town Clinic so darn fast, Claire didn't know what was happening until the examination was over.

"Flora's ok. She just had a scratch, that's all." Doctor said, patting the band-aid on the baby's arm.

"Thank goodness…" Cliff sighed in relief.

Before Claire knew it, she was back at home with her family and Flora was happily crawling mindlessly on the floor.

"Flora baby!" Claire bent down and hugged her child. The baby cooed in delight.

Claire attempted to bring the baby into her arms but there was a click in her mind that she shouldn't. She let go of Flora.

"Why don't you give her some strawberry milk?" Cliff suggested.

"Ok."Claire stood and prepared strawberry milk. It was in a glass bottle and Claire worried if Flora might break it and get another scratch.

"Here you go, baby." Claire gave Flora the glass bottle without thinking.

"Haha!" the baby laughed and hid the glass bottle in goddess-knows-where.

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**Winter Thanksgiving Festival**

Claire bought four bars of chocolate from the supermarket. Three would be for Rick, Gray, and Doctor and the fourth one would be used to make chocolate cake for 'Cliffy-poo'.

She rushed home because it was so cold outside. Cliff wasn't home babysitting. Flora didn't need it anyway.

"Gaa…" Flora greeted as her mother opened the door.

"Hey there, Flora." Claire waved to her baby as she made her way to the kitchen to make the cake. She almost bumped on someone in the kitchen.

"C-C-Cliff?!" Claire was surprised Cliff was home. "Why aren't you at Duke's?"

"It's a holiday. I have the day off." Cliff sweetly smiled.

"What are you doing in my kitchen?" Claire glanced at what Cliff was attempting to make. There was nothing in the pan.

"Um…nothing, really…you gotta go back to your farm, dear." Cliff smiled again.

"Oh, right." Claire nodded and made her way to the chicken coop.

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About 7pm that same day, Claire went back to the house, only to be greeted by a dinner fit for one person.

"Welcome back, dear." Cliff greeted. Claire blinked a few times.

"Ma-ma," Flora cooed and clapped her hands.

"Can you guess what occasion it is?" Cliff chuckled.

"Well, duh, it's the Winter Thanksgiving Festival." Claire playfully punched Cliff's shoulder. "What's with the food?"

"What's wrong with the food?" Cliff asked; a quizzical expression on his face.

"Why's there only food enough for one person?" Claire pointed at the table. Sure enough, there was a single bottle of vegetable juice and one slice of cake.

"It'll be enough, trust me."

"Heehee!"

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Winter 31, 9:26pm

Claire tiredly crawled into bed and yawned deeply. Within minutes, she was fast asleep.

_Wedding bells rung and echoed into the sky. Claire was in a beautiful white dress, wedded to her love._

"_You may kiss the bride," Carter announced._

_Claire turned to her new husband. He held her delicate hands in his big warm ones._

"_I'll make you happy," Thomas smiled and leaned in to kiss her._

"GWAAAAHHH!!" Claire screamed herself awake. "Oh, just a dream."

She checked the other side of the bed just to make sure it was Cliff there. With a sigh of relief, she slumped back into her soft pillow.


End file.
